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Today is the birthday of the best person that I ever met, and the only person who ever meant something to me. I fucked everything up by being unbelievably stupid, selfish, and lying. From a place of utter insecurity and self loathing I wove a web of fiction to try to build a physical presence to replace the one I hate around a personality that I thought was likeable. I fucked up in so many ways and I never deserve to be forgiven. But she is the most amazing person who has ever come in to my life and I think about her every single day. Happy birthday.
Years ago now I hurt someone who had no right to be hurt. A lie that was born out of my own self loathing grew. Lies upon more lies built up and up until I devastated an amazing person with my horrible decisions and choices. The person I hurt is a beautiful person, inside and out, and they did not deserve what I did. I don’t deserve to lick the bottom of her shoes and I only hope that somehow life is kind to her to make up for the damage I did.
What do you do when the person you love hates you? And their hate is justified.
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